When been pissed off means no peace

I don't mean to nag in a blog.

I, however, have failed to find another outlet. So I won't breathe until I finish this blog for the sake of not making this too long. Fortunately I got too much to say and freak lungs.

I am working most of the day and I am fortunate enough to have my own office for my business in Network Marketing. A great industry in these horrible economic times where everyone around me is getting fired! Ironically one person got mad at me because out of all that very specific group I am the least educated (mind you I got some college but no degrees like them) and I had the most "secure" and prosperous job.

So I do get a fair amount of downtime in my business when I choose too provided there is a chance to do so. Not always possible but frequent enough to keep my sanity. However, even in this idealic state I do not get to do all the things I need to do. Wether they are for the business or for the home. This has caused my wife and me to fight over meaningless things that she finds overwhelming.

I try to nudge her along because by doing so I can help her overcome such trepidations. I consciously do this because I keep thinking something awful may happen to me due to the worsening state of been in this world and I NEED to know that she can handle a world where she is not been spoon-fed. We have two kids who are still innocent and it kills me to think that without me they be left all alone.

Recently she fell for a scam that took us outta 400 dollars. Instead of getting mad at her I tried to reason with her on how to get it fixed and what it means for us. After blaming herself pretty harshly we moved on to a few days later.

Yesterday she called the company to finish one of the last steps (the only she would be involved in) and she was freaking out. She called me at work. Funnily enough I was having a comedic encounter with diarrhea at the office and was in a good mood somehow.

The mood was shattered when I questioned her about the answers she got from this evil corporation ripping naive people off. I just needed to know certain things for peace of mind and others to know what I should expect. She took it differently as usual and said I was attacking her. Then she did the one thing that really really pisses me off when I am talking to someone...

She hung up on me.

Then she wouldn't answer anymore. I hate that. The rest of day was broken and home life was miserable and my kids always know this and get sad too. From there on I just stayed in my personal room and worked on anything and all. We keep fighting every time we see each other. It's just so heartbreaking.

I just had to let it outta me.